Then I saw one of my photos among the "rejects." Doh! And there I was again. Ack! Given my moodiness recently, it is amazing that I didn't curl up and start crying. In the interest of the w_r community I did ban the person from the group once she outed herself. And initially I had "blocked" her from my own photos, but decided to unblock after some thought. I didn't try to hide either- I showed the captioned photos of me to Stew and we laughed. He commented about how sad it was that someone had taken the time to do that web site in the first place.
True, but creating a site to make fun of people isn't really that hard these days. The one in question is just a tumblr which takes like 5 seconds to register for, can be fairly anonymous (unless you register a domain to redirect to it), and there are tumblr bookmarklets w/ functions for easily compiling a series of photos/links found on the web. Tumblr posts don't really allow for any discussion or commenting (unless you yourself have a tumblr, but even then it is more of a "ya, what she said" dialog). Tumblrs are basically a quick and dirty "here, I want to show you this, cuz I'm awesome, and I don't really care what you think about it." (*)
(*) Note, the site is no longer tumblr. Apparently the owner is going to self-host it soon and allow commenting.
And the premise of the site didn't take a brainstorm either. E's Fashion Police and "Go Fug Yourself" have been online and making fun of celebrity style for a long time. For non-celebs there are already a couple tumblrs that have been making fun of "street style" photos, like lolbook.nu and latfh.com. Of course even before all this there were tabloids to make fun of celebrities and the "Dos & Don'ts" page in Glamour magazine for unfortunate souls caught with an exposed bra strap or a bad case of camel toe. Sometimes these rags were even considerate enough to put a black box over the victim's face.
So the lovey dovey champions-of-personal-style DIYer's at wardrobe_remix were just ripe for the pickings weren't they?
Hey reader, How do you feel about sites that mock others? Is it freedom of speech? How would you feel if you were a victim? Would you ask for the pictures to be taken down? Are there copyright issues? Should I have just kept quiet and not said anything?
It wasn't the first time I've been made fun of for how I look. *cue violins*
Having always been "pleasantly plump," I've been mooed and oinked at on the school bus. Then there was that time I tried dying my hair black in high school and it turned green the next day, staying that way for like a week before I went and got it fixed. Even one of my friends joined in with the bullies on that one. I'm not sure if any "fashion victim" taunts have ever been made to my face before, but I've certainly been party to my share of eye rolls and giggles/whispers. Dressing "different" kind of became my trademark. Online, as it was this weekend, it has mostly been related to the outfit photos I upload to flickr for wardrobe_remix, i.e. I've had a handful of snarky comments of the "you should go on that 'What Not to Wear' show" variety (twice I've gotten that one).
When you put yourself out there on the internet, or hell even in real life, you've got to take the bad with the good. So far the positives related to my wardrobe_remix participation have far outweighed the negatives. One of the group rules is to be positive about yourself and to others, no negative comments allowed, etc. and from that a warm sense of "community" among the "remixers" has grown. Getting positive comments on your outfit can boost a lagging ego, and the whole process of creating outfits & deciding which to document actually gets to be kind of addictive. The trouble is, while what I'm wearing might be accepted/applauded in that little shiny happy online community, on the outside or IRL most people probably could care less what I'm wearing, are mildly curious OR they are laughing and judging.
Oddly, finding myself openly the object of mockery was actually kind of refreshing. Like a slap on the face or something. This reaction is new, because I'm the "straight As" type that takes criticism very personally. Usually I get quietly defensive and/or close down. Then I end up over-analyzing the critique, debating what it was I did wrong or why it was perceived as "bad" and how I could have done it differently... at least when it comes to doubting homework or daily life decisions, etc. In this case, I just stepped back and told myself it wasn't really a big deal. Ha ha, good one! Why not laugh at myself too? Especially about something like clothing. Sure I've got two "textiles & clothing" degrees (ha ha, I even make fun of myself for that sometimes too), but really I guess I don't take fashion very seriously at all. I don't believe in the "rules" or the "faux pas."
I mean sometimes I wear stuff just because it might look funny or be perceived as wrong... in school I used to deliberately piss my friend off by wearing red and pink together. The two outfits deemed "rejects" were actually fairly bland in the scope of things. That "fanny pack" - yes, I realize it can be considered a fashion no-no and subject to ridicule. But the damn thing comes in handy, AND it was Grandma Long's and she was awesome.Saying my lazily belted vintage dress makes me look like a rectangle is more of a fact than a cutting insult. In several fashion decades, the rectangle silhouette was an ideal. For me, hey it was cute & comfy. Those secondhand "like new" Crocs brand flip flops I bought cheap this past weekend? Good for both functionality (my other black flip flops fell apart) AND as a joke (I've made fun of Stew for wearing his Crocs in public, I mean doesn't everyone hate Crocs?).
Of course, there are times when I just plain make mistakes. Mistakes of the "what was I thinking?" variety. In hindsight it was easy for me to look through my wardrobe photos and find a lot of mixes that I'll never wear again. But that is what is so great about clothing & style, it can be ephemeral, dynamic, "remixed." Like would I wear those green tights w/ pink skirt AND Vans agin? Yikes, no. Wide white belts? Not so flattering. Plus I found a lot of stuff that just wasn't all that interesting and maybe didn't need to be shared with the world, OMG! After 3+ years I'm learning to be a bit more selective with what I upload. Plus I'm starting to only share outfits that I think are interesting AND that are 100% Thrifted (I'm still on my "not buying any new clothes" kick (has been close to a year and a half now -- but do accept gifts, hint hint). ;)
Upon reflection I've learned that it can be good to laugh at myself, and as long as it isn't deliberately cruel & hurtful or bordering on harassment (which I agree, several of the other comments were), then who cares if someone else is laughing at me too. *ding!* (was my family the only ones that sang out "ding" when the "point" or "lesson" of a TV show was being revealed?)
And also, nah na nah boo boo to all the naysayers! Love ya!
13 comments:
You said it! And said it wonderfully and articulately.
HA! I love it. The thing that made me mad was how nasty she was to graygoosie. Going so far as to post a paragraph about how much she hates her after graygoosie nicely asked her to remove the photos. And you know how nice she is she said she wanted to hug the girl cause she obviously needed love. Bah the whole thing made me stabby but I love your post and take on it.
hi, great post.
I wasn't personally offended because what she said about me was so ridiculous (I mean, red doesn't go with purple - what? doesn't she know that any colour goes with any colour?), but some of the other comments were quite insulting and nasty.
I just really don't understand why somebody would go through all the effort of keeping this blog going just be negative and set up a squillion flickr accounts to be able to take people's pictures without their consent. Its just, well, pathetic.
I noticed that the dicussion thread on WR is gone. I gather from hillary's comment that it all kicked off a bit - was that why it was deleted?
What strikes me as particularly horrible about that site (besides the utter inability to come up with a really creative zinger) is that much of the time the blogger is making fun of the remixers' bodies, not the clothes. Call me crazy but I thought that thumbing a nose in the face of the North American body ideal was a part of the beauty of wardrobe remix.
There's a part of me that feels people in the remix group are being so brave in posting what they post that it's just too unbelievably shitty to mock them for it and, therefore, it shouldn't be allowed. But if you're pulling people's photos in order to mock them and your mockery can't get beyond half-articulate monosyllabic schoolyard bullying, then you're the one who looks like an idiot. Perhaps withering away all alone in their own dusty corner of the internet is a good place for angry, hateful people to keep out of the way of those they might hurt.
Also: you look absolutely gorgeous in that photo at the bottom of your post. What a sweet dress!
One thing I've learned while being on the planet is that when people make a point of putting others down, it's to hide how they feel negatively about themselves. Such actions speak more about them than the people they try to mock. Life's too short to let 'em get ya down, I say! You can't control what others think, say or do - only what you think, do or say.
And hey- I like fanny packs! No one's stealing my "purse" without dragging me kicking and screaming with them . . . and I don't leave it places like I do when I carry a "pretty purse' for evenings out.
Great post. And great nose thumb on 100%.
i am so thankful i never knew that blog or whatever thingy exsisted!!! such sadness for that person that started it! ive always thought WR was a place where the more outthere outfits was the norm rather than the exception!! and thats why i loved looking through there before i was a member! i was soooooooo interested in these amazing women that would wear what made them feel good and not what the newest trend was! then i joined and put some of my humble and really not that exciting outfits on there and wow what a great loving encouraging bunch of gals they are! and although ive been lax in posting there ive continued to put a few on my blog and will eventually post more on both i do realize that im putting myself out there for anyone to say anything about me but thats just like saying im walking out the door! i mean once i leave my private space then anything could happen! right? not much difference! BUT the thing that makes it different is that in person there would be way less people that would to your face say: hey you look like blah blah blah! or whatever
but hey on a pic on the internet and no one knows you from adam oh all of a suddon you have balls and can say all kinds of mean things! thats such a coward way to live life, but more is to be mean at all! i mean whats the gain? makes you feel better about yourself?? if thats what you think its a lie! having to put others down to lift yourself up is not the way to live!
ok sorry i think im on a soapbox now and i could go on and on so i will just say that i agree with you and this makes me want to hug graygoosie and tell her that she and becktress were some of the ladies that i so loved and was inspired from :) her flickr photostream is sunshine!
and may those people figure out that it is much more uplifting to find beauty than to pull out flaws in people -no one is without flaws! but also no ons is without beauty! just choose to look for the beauty in all :)
dude i just saw that i left a way long message! oops! hi madamOwl! hope you dont mind!!!
I think that if one of my photos were featured on this site, I would ask for it to be removed. I believe in free speech and I don't think I'd even be overly hurt by the kind of comments this person is making, but I don't want my image associated with this kind of negativity if I can help it. I don't want my image to provide an opportunity for such meanness. And a lot of the commentary, as someone else pointed, is focused on people's bodies and not their clothes, which I think is just mean.
There's even one post that made me feel a little sick. She takes a great photo of feytwee (I think) and talks about how she's using frumpiness as an antidote to rape. This is not only insulting to the individual pictured but is insulting to rape victims and perpetuates myths about why women are raped (including myths about their responsibility for their own assault). Could be I'm overreacting, but I hate to see this kind of attitude out there. It's even worse when it grows out of wardrobe_remix, which has been such a positive and uplifting space.
I always think you look goregous. You have confidence and belief in yourself and feel happy in your skin.
That always 'shines through' to me - as always those are the people with the problems.
Hannah (Camera Queenie)
I agree with everyone's observations and comments. And what is truly pathetic is this woman (sic) who is behind the wardrobe rejects site took it down, but is working on putting up a similar site in its place.
I wonder she's going to do next? Maybe she won't allow us to sit at her lunch table in the middle school cafeteria?
I guess she never saw Pretty in Pink, eh?
Thank you all for reading and leaving these insightful comments. I agree, many of the captions given to the other photos on the site were downright hurtful and nasty. I got off pretty lightly really. Also after a while I started to feel slightly guilty for even mentioning the site and linking to it. Oranges & Apples, as I understand it, taking attention away from the site is the main reason the discussion got deleted over at w_r.
I think an Eleanor Roosevelt quote that Sonya at flickr left in a comment there sums up my feelings about the whole genre of trash-talking sites... "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Well I think you're just fabulous & that plaid dress is hot! Seriously, people will always put others down to make themselves feel better... it's just a way for them to project their self-hatred elsewhere... but you know that - keep being beautiful in your fab get-up's and def. keep the chilled attitude ... it's a great 'ol perspective to have.
Well shit, these people are nuts! And I don't know about you, but I wouldn't trust their advice on how to brush my teeth, let alone dress myself :P!
Truth be told, I think you're gorgeous and your outfits are great. In fact, expect to be featured on my blog one of these days ;)!
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